{"id":330,"date":"2013-06-30T16:04:05","date_gmt":"2013-06-30T23:04:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.larisawalk.com\/blog\/?p=330"},"modified":"2013-06-30T16:06:27","modified_gmt":"2013-06-30T23:06:27","slug":"a-collection-of-jokes-by-yours-truly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/larisawalk.com\/blog\/2013\/06\/30\/a-collection-of-jokes-by-yours-truly\/","title":{"rendered":"A collection of jokes by yours truly"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dragon jokes: <\/b><\/p>\n

How to housebreak your new pet dragon: invest into asbestos curtains in case of accidental sneezes.<\/p>\n

How to housebreak your new pet dragon: purchase a 5500 gallon drum of those curvy & bumpy “Damsel Chews” treats.<\/p>\n

How to keep your new house dragon healthy: buy him only the dragon kibble that contains parts of extra-lean knights.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Fairytale jokes:<\/b><\/p>\n

Before kissing Sleeping Beauty, Prince Hypochondriac wiped her down thoroughly with disinfecting wipes.<\/p>\n

The wedding between Beauty and the Beast was called off, because Beauty was allergic to animal hair.<\/p>\n

Cinderella’s Fairy God Mother was cheap; that’s why her glass slipper turned back into a pickle jar.<\/p>\n

After transforming a frog back into Prince, Princess left him – who’d want slimy kisses followed by warts?<\/p>\n

After blowing at the houses of the 3 little pigs, the Big Bad Wolf hyperventilated & fainted. That winter the 3 little pigs wore very warm fur hats and hoof mittens.<\/p>\n

After Prince kissed Sleeping Beauty, he immediately fled the castle – after 100 years of sleeping, she had one hell of a morning breath!<\/p>\n

Red Riding Hood thought the wolf in a bonnet was her grandma; the wolf refused to eat her for fear of losing IQ points from such a dumb meal.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Annoying people jokes:<\/b><\/p>\n

How to annoy ppl: Send ’em a note claiming to be their long-lost rich uncle that wants to leave ’em a large inheritance.<\/p>\n

How to annoy ppl: Call ’em at 3 a.m. to tell them that u finally found a missing button from your dress pants.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cat jokes:<\/b><\/p>\n

A writer’s cat always knows when the tea in the mug on the desk is cool enough to slurp and thus claim the scribbler’s tea for its own.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dragon jokes: How to housebreak your new pet dragon: invest into asbestos curtains in case of accidental sneezes. How to housebreak your new pet dragon: purchase a 5500 gallon drum of those curvy & bumpy “Damsel Chews” treats. How to … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-330","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/larisawalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/330","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/larisawalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/larisawalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/larisawalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/larisawalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=330"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/larisawalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/330\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":332,"href":"https:\/\/larisawalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/330\/revisions\/332"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/larisawalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=330"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/larisawalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=330"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/larisawalk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=330"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}